Corporate Wisdom from Will Rogers

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
   
   
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
   
   
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman .
   Neither works.
   
   
4. Always drink upstream from the herd.
   
   
5. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
   
   
6. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
   try ordering somebody else's dog around.
   
   
7. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
   
   
8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
   
   
9. There are three kinds of men:
   The ones that learn by reading.
   The few who learn by observation.
   The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
   
   
10. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
    
    
11. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
    to make sure it's still there.
    
    
12. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
    
    
13. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
    He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
    The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
    
    
14. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
    
    
15. When you're throwin' your weight around,
    be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
    
    
16. And finally - Never miss a good chance to shut up.
    

• Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
  
  
• The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
  
  
• Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
  
  
• When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
  
  
• You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
  
  
• I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
  
  
• One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
  
  
• One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
  
  
• Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
  
  
• Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.