Dilbert Quotes from Company Managers

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were lookingfor people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.


As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Parrot chuteRegister softwareOptical illusionIf there is anyone here who knows why these two should not be wedHappiness is sharingenjoyed the jokes?
treat John to a coffee

...and maybe a sticky bun :)