Sunday 1st of October 2006
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were lookingfor people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.
As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
source: http://johns-jokes.com
Dilbert quotes from company managers
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were lookingfor people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.
As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
source: http://johns-jokes.com
If there is anyone here who knows why these two should not be wed
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Humor to bust a gut with our funny, Obama, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, sports, relationship jokes which are all funny, clean or some that are dirty and a bit close to the mark!
Carlos Ray Chuck Norris, Paddy the Irishman jokes and more hilarious laughter all found at Johns- Jokes.com
Funny faces, pictures, animal images, for yourself and friends, to smile and laugh at them all! Ideal for folks without Life Insurance!
We do not tell Dirty, offensive and rude jokes but you can! 'even good for adults and youngsters suffering Acne :)
Our Comedy Sketches, Knock Knock jokes make for hilarious laughter, Wicked wit, short stories, crazy quotes, and strive to have a broad range and nothing too dirty!