Even More One-liners

Last night I reached for my medicine and accidentally drank from a bottle of Tippex. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.


My Girlfriend had a Near-Death experience today......Stupid woman thought she could Hoover whilst football was on the tele


Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed in my life....Like my name ,address and telephone number


My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ And then I saw her face......


My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Beehive matches his little face lit up when he tried to walk.. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.


I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, the ungrateful bastards. All I said was, 'hurry up for Christ's sake ............ some of us have got homes to go to!'


Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!

Always check the labelMission accomplishedIs this where they went wrongLiterally in ArabicMy neighbor from across the streetenjoyed the jokes?
treat John to a coffee

...and maybe a sticky bun :)