Tuesday 1st of August 2006
Tom is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.This is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it off to laughline and won a contest (he wasn't thrilled with her for that one) Anyways...anytime you think you have a bad day at the office remember this poor chap.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I'd share my dilema with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me I must first bore you with a few technicallities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office, it's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.So whatwe do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do when I get to the bottom and start working is, I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, Of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.I pulled the hose from my back, but the damage was done!!!
In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivyyou once got under your cast. Now I had the hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not so fortunate!! When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jelly fish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my delima over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my dry chamber decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell.
When I got to the medic, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, he handed me a tube of cream and told me to "shove it up my ass!" when I get in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for 2 days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this could have easily been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.
Anyway, next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think of how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jelly fish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office, but if you do, I hope this will make them more tollerable. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon.
Love you, Tom
source: http://johns-jokes.com
Letter from a deep sea diver to his sister
Tom is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.This is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it off to laughline and won a contest (he wasn't thrilled with her for that one) Anyways...anytime you think you have a bad day at the office remember this poor chap.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I'd share my dilema with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me I must first bore you with a few technicallities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office, it's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.So whatwe do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do when I get to the bottom and start working is, I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, Of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.I pulled the hose from my back, but the damage was done!!!
In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivyyou once got under your cast. Now I had the hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not so fortunate!! When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jelly fish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my delima over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my dry chamber decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell.
When I got to the medic, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, he handed me a tube of cream and told me to "shove it up my ass!" when I get in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for 2 days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this could have easily been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.
Anyway, next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think of how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jelly fish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office, but if you do, I hope this will make them more tollerable. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon.
Love you, Tom
source: http://johns-jokes.com
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Humor to bust a gut with our funny, Obama, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, sports, relationship jokes which are all funny, clean or some that are dirty and a bit close to the mark!
Carlos Ray Chuck Norris, Paddy the Irishman jokes and more hilarious laughter all found at Johns- Jokes.com
Funny faces, pictures, animal images, for yourself and friends, to smile and laugh at them all! Ideal for folks without Life Insurance!
We do not tell Dirty, offensive and rude jokes but you can! 'even good for adults and youngsters suffering Acne :)
Our Comedy Sketches, Knock Knock jokes make for hilarious laughter, Wicked wit, short stories, crazy quotes, and strive to have a broad range and nothing too dirty!