Saturday 20th of August 2005
A depressed young woman from Newcastle was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Tyne. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears and took pity on her.
"Look, you've got a lot to live for," he said. "I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you can keep me happy."
The girl agreed - what did she have to lose.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later during a routine search, the captain discovered her. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to America, and he's feeding me," she said.
"What are you doing for him?" enquired the captain.
"He's screwing me,' said the girl.
"He certainly is,' replied the captain. "This is the North Shields ferry."
source: http://johns-jokes.com
The stowaway
A depressed young woman from Newcastle was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Tyne. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears and took pity on her.
"Look, you've got a lot to live for," he said. "I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you can keep me happy."
The girl agreed - what did she have to lose.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later during a routine search, the captain discovered her. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to America, and he's feeding me," she said.
"What are you doing for him?" enquired the captain.
"He's screwing me,' said the girl.
"He certainly is,' replied the captain. "This is the North Shields ferry."
source: http://johns-jokes.com
Billy Connollys Desiderata........ excerpt from his book
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Humor to bust a gut with our funny, Obama, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, sports, relationship jokes which are all funny, clean or some that are dirty and a bit close to the mark!
Carlos Ray Chuck Norris, Paddy the Irishman jokes and more hilarious laughter all found at Johns- Jokes.com
Funny faces, pictures, animal images, for yourself and friends, to smile and laugh at them all! Ideal for folks without Life Insurance!
We do not tell Dirty, offensive and rude jokes but you can! 'even good for adults and youngsters suffering Acne :)
Our Comedy Sketches, Knock Knock jokes make for hilarious laughter, Wicked wit, short stories, crazy quotes, and strive to have a broad range and nothing too dirty!