Thursday 16th of July 2009

Tommy Cooper Witticisms

Tommy Cooper was a comedian's comedian. The main reason was because he broke every rule in the book. Other comedians would like to have tried what Tommy did, but only he could attempt the outrageous and not only get away with it but also turn the outrageous into his signature tune. Jokes going deliberately going wrong became his trade mark, but there are other subtler things Tommy Cooper did that lesser comedians cannot, for example repeating a joke once he got the first a laugh.



"I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, "Look, this chicken I got here is cold."

He said, "It should be, it's been dead two weeks."

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I said, "Not only that." I said, I said... I said it twice, I said, "He's got one leg shorter than the other."

"He said, "What do you wanna do with it, eat it or dance with it?"

I said, "Forget the chicken, give me a lobster, and he brought me this lobster. I said just a minute, he's only got one claw."

He said "Well he's been in a fight."

I said, "Well give me the winner."

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A man goes into the doctors.

The doctor says, "Go over to the window and stick your tongue out".

Man says, Why?

The doctor says, " I don't like my neighbours"

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I went into a butchers and I said, "I'll have a pound of sausages."

He said, "I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here."

I said, "Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos."

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I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night, and she said I‘d got the biggest w*lly she’d ever laid her hands on.............

I said “You’re pulling my leg”

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From: http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/comedians/comedian_tommy_cooper.htm





source: http://johns-jokes.com