Animal conscription

During a shortage of eligible men, a bear, a pig and a rabbit are called up for national service. While waiting for the medical examinations, they all admit they're terrified of being killed.

‘I'm ungainly and pink,’ says the pig, truthfully. ‘The enemy will see me a mile off – so I decided to chop my tail off.

’ The rabbit nods sagely – and the bear realizes the bunny's ears have been removed. ‘I just hope it works,’ says the rabbit.

Mystified, the bear watches as both animals enter the examination room – then return, smiling. ‘We're free to go,’ says the rabbit.

‘They said a rabbit without ears is not a proper rabbit, and a pig without a curly tail is not a proper pig!’

He's about to leave with the pig when the bear pipes up. ‘Hang on a minute!’ he cries. ‘I'm massive and slow – I'd not last a day.’ The other two look at the bear. ‘Well,’ says the rabbit, ‘Your sharp teeth could be useful in combat. You might want them removed …’ Nodding miserably, the bear lies down – and the other animals start kicking his fangs out.

Eventually the dazed bear, blood pouring from his mouth, stumbles through the door. A moment later he returns. ‘Did you get let off?’ says the pig. ‘Yesh,’ splutters the bear. ‘Apparently I'm too fat.’