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One Liners From Joolz

 

I just got off the phone to Sea World... My call was recorded for training porpoises.

I think our new pet Rabbit must be vicious... The wife said when she brings it home I'm going to have to make a run for it

Just had a good tip 4 the grand national... A horse called creosote..! Goes really wel over fences...!!

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic... It's syncing now.

When chemists die... They barium.

Jokes about German sausage... Are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid... He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went... Then it dawned on me.

A girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns... It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Quotes for Today:

He used statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts; for support rather than illumination.
Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 


Hindsight is an exact science.
 


How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
 

This can save your bacon
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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