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Perfect Puns

 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall - and a pretty good spring and summer, too.
JA - Houston

I knew I had gone too far when I cheated the convicted gem smuggler. I had crossed the ruby con.
SGT Snorkel - Iowa

Just in time for Thanksgiving a blockbuster movie about sweet potatoes, 'The Silence of the Yams'.
dr. dirt - Alaska

When the lumberjack accidentally let his chainsaw slip he quickly became lacked toes intolerant.
JA - Houston

Even though Ashley was blind and under arrest, she still had hope that someone would brail her out.
Ashleyisbeautiful - Oilertown

How do farmers make crop circles? With a protractor.

I'll never forget that rainstorm near Los Angeles and how the rain came down in Torrance.
JA - Houston

When thunderstorms felt that they weren't getting paid enough, they went on a lightning strike.
The Punisher - Dallas, TX

Where do peas have their sight tested? In an iPod.
Ross Wagman

A bee's dream is to someday live in Pollenisia.

Some resist having the 'flu jab but it's quite innocuous.
Anna - Sheffield, UK

I wanted to be a clarinettist but I couldn't reed music.
SGT Snorkel - Iowa

My first job was peddling designer clothing. I was a Dior to Dior salesman.
SGT Snorkel - Iowa

You don't know anything at all about ancient Egypt? Tut, tut, tut.
Ayam

I once considered becoming a monk when I was young but I was cloisterphobic.
Guid - Minden, NV

They say curiosity killed the cat, and they weren't kitten.
Vinny Rampone

The Biomedical Engineer didn't have the heart to check the EKG machine.
Yehuda Hamer

She didn't like her masseuse, she rubbed her the wrong way.
Nicole - Chicago, IL

Smartly dressed poultry would be called chic hens.
SGT Snorkel - Iowa

Pompous male bees are often known to drone on about themselves.



Even more puns: can be seen here

Quotes for Today:

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
 


I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
 


I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
 

This can save your bacon
¯\_(ツ)_/¯




The idea is to die young as late as possible

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Every now and then I throw in one of those typos to see who's paying attention :-)

Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life and smiling it on to other folk.

Have a great Day and Laugh, "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many".

We try to bust a gut with our funny, Yo Mama, Redneck, lawyer, animal, relationship and crap jokes.

You only live once!   So make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet everyday, seeking validation from strangers.

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