When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris round house kicks Richard Simmons
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't love Raymond.
When God said "let there be light!" Chuck Norris said "say please"
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land
The bogyman checks his closest every night for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris collects taxes from the IRS
Chuck Norris has been dead for 10 years death has just been to afraid to tell him
There is no theory of evolution just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live
Some people sleep with a gun under their pillow, Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble you win.......forever.....
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding
Chuck Norris' tears are the cure for Cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
When Chuck Norris falls into the water he doesn't get wet....the water gets Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.
There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.
Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
And my favourite one is.. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.